Category: Horoscopes AV

  • Pisces 5-25-26

    Got your Monday gear on? Gas mask? Knee pads? That absorbent underwear for bladder leaks? Hang on to your hats, Pisces, because this Monday could be frigging bizarre. This energy could make for an unpredictable and off the wall day. But your inquiring mind could find the zany energy vastly entertaining. Using your quick wit to find the humor in the madness could help you treat the day as a novel surprise rather than an annoyance. Your mad genius energy will help you field the unexpected with a grin while the rest of the Zodiac could be trying to duck and run. Go you!

  • Aquarius 5-25-26

    Ever been bitten in the crotch by an angry squirrel? Well Aquarius, with the weird freaking vibes raining down today, anything could happen. Like, AnYtHiNg. Keep an eye out for surprises and sidestep that crap the best you can, WB. Of course, we can’t always stop weirdness from happening, but we can learn to bounce back. Plus, there will be potential for extra exciting, good surprises to come your way, too. Get ready for some expert side-step-climbing and bouncing! Can you bounce? SURE! Anyway… stay away from the squirrels, just in case. Okay? Just to be safe. Their teeth are tiny and sharp.

  • Capricorn 5-25-26

    Surprises and Monday sound like a match made in hell, but don’t make any snap judgments about this day. Not going to lie, the energy will be weird as heck. The vibes will be zany, unexpected, and … well, Manic Monday might not just be a cool 80s song. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be fun. Stay open to the possibilities, and let your natural sense of wonder and enthusiasm enchant you. While the rest of the Zodiac might be asking WTAF, you’ll be waiting in delicious anticipation of whatever this day might hold, Cappy. Grab some popcorn and wait for the entertainment to begin.

  • Sagittarius 5-25-26

    Same old soggy waffles and a side of the blues and cold coffee for breakfast? Not today, Saggy! There’ll be some fantastically strange and undeniably creative vibes floating around, which means you could have a much easier time with your visionary flow if you tap into the energies. Say goodbye to writer’s block and frustratingly null brainstorms. There’ll be uniqueness in abundance, so take it in fistfuls and do your thing. There’s so much you can accomplish once you tap into the vibes and drink it up like water after a bad acid trip. Hydrate with the vibes!

  • Scorpio 5-25-26

    If Scorpios were all given the same middle name at birth, the name would be Weird. Or Stable Strangeling. No? Badass Banshee! Okay, well, maybe your Mom was better at this than I am. But with the Universe encouraging strange adventures, you’ll likely find that you feel totally in your element today. Weirdness abounds! Be aware that surprises and the unexpected could be in store with a real draw to let it all hang out. With that in mind, revel in your glory and use the weird to your advantage! I now dub thee Stable Strangeling Scorpster.

  • Libra 5-25-26

    Libras and surprises go together like tap water and lead pipes. If you’re as weird as the day ahead, you may think that sounds delightful. Otherwise, you might be in for one messed-up Monday. The energy today could have everything feeling wonky. Could be fun, if you stop giving the day some serious side eye and choose to enjoy the detour. Your goals will be right where you left them if you take a time out to enjoy the freaky, fun surprise that will be this Monday.

  • Virgo 5-25-26

    Like wandering into a candy store that smells like feet, this Monday could really stink for Virgo. Or — hear me out — it could be not stinky. Maybe you LIKE foot-scented candies. Or perhaps it turns out you can buy candy by the foot! V, use your royal airs and the Captain Strangepork vibes in the air to make the most of your day. Maybe try switching up the old daily routine. You might explore some backroads or watch a new documentary on haunted dolls… Whatever happens today, do something a little different for an extra dose of fun.

  • Leo 5-25-26

    Who says Mondays can’t be fun? Well… there’s your dentist, the guy at the Wally World who already did 28 hours on the clock over the weekend, your ex’s therapist, me… Everyone, basically. But here’s the thing Leo, wild, wonderful vibes will be floating in the air. Snatch the unexpected and delightfully offbeat vibes up like they’re pretty butterflies and make strides toward a not sucky Monday. The day will be what you make it, so welcome the awkweird energies in the air and live it out loud.

  • Cancer 5-25-26

    Time to buckle in because this day may have as much balance as an old as dirt roller coaster at a carnival that hasn’t bothered with maintenance since 1972. Like maybe missing a few bolts and yet still running. Whee! Sounds awesome, right, Crabby? Look, this doesn’t mean the day will suck. Actually, the day could be filled with surprises. Think unexpected or novel, not necessarily bad. I mean, I wouldn’t hop onto a rickety roller coaster, but maybe trying something new will fulfill this vibe and help you let down your hair. Your natural need for two-toner nature will have you combining inner resources to deal with this madness like a pro. But buckle up… just in case.

  • Gemini 5-25-26

    Did someone order a meat dragon made from fae flesh? No? Are you SURE? Gemini, the vibes in the air today will be quirky as hell with a side of WTF. Prepare thyself for the strangest of occurrences with some energy hanging in the atmosphere. If things seem to go a little sideways, you can use the vibes to have some fun and go with the funky flow. Things might not go exactly according to plan, but that’ll be okay. You can find ways to adjust! Now, to figure out where to put this meat dragon…

  • Taurus 5-25-26

    Your creative juices could flow well today, Taurus. Just the creative ones. Keep your other juices to yourself, please. No one wants to see that. With the vibes today, the energy may feel like it was created by Dali or Picasso. Think an assortment of unusualness but better than that box of candy where you bite in and you go, “Ewwww.” Expecting the unexpected won’t be just another BS cliché, and you may find that your creative energy gets a large charge out of this ridiculous day. What you create out of this freaknugget energy will be totally up to you; you’ll get out what you put in.

  • Aries 5-25-26

    Hope your sense of humor is in tip top condition, Aries, because the forecast for today calls for the deliciously zany vibe to tickle your pinky toes. The energy could throw you for a loop. Don’t smother the ones you love by hanging on too tight, but definitely don’t think you have to go it alone either. We’ll all be on this great space crazy-ass roller coaster together so hold on, but try to loosen up so you’ll be entertained rather than terrified. Oddball nonsense could be fun. Guess you’ll just have to come on out and see.