Category: Horoscopes AV

  • Capricorn 4-2-26

    Blub, blub. Like a fish swimming through the ocean, minding its own damn business, KABLAM. T-boned by a submarine. What do ya know?! Well, since Goats aren’t fish, the surprises in store for you this Wednesday may not be THAT dramatic, but they’ll probably keep you on your toes. Your day will turn out to be awesome sauce or total crap based on how you handle it. Even not so pleasant situations have a rainbow at the end of them, if you bother looking for them. Let your romantic, fantastical imagination be your guide today. Get to it, Cappy.

  • Sagittarius 4-2-26

    Well, Saggy, prepare to wake up today and get backhanded with the sudden realization that you don’t have control over a dang thing. Surprise! You do, however, have the power to control yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. On the bright side, that means the Universe can’t control you. That job’s already taken, thank you very much! So, no matter what the Universe throws at you this Thursday, step up to the plate and knock it out of the park. Don’t feel like playing baseball? You may not be able to change the game, but you sure as hell can choose to put down the bat and walk away from the diamond (or the opinionated relative). Go get a cookie or something.

  • Scorpio 4-2-26

    Do Scorpios like surprises? Maybe! Depends what the surprise is! Well, today could be filled with awkward little surprise moments, like a surprise birthday party for you even though it isn’t your birthday. Or getting condolence cards in the mail for your Uncle Barnabos’s passing. Like, who even has an uncle named Barnabos??? NOT YOU (PSA: Sorry if you do. Sorrier if he’s dead.). At any rate, there will likely be surprises in store, Scorpster. Thanks a ton, Universe! They will be good or crap based on how you handle them. Will you rage quit this day or blaze brightly with optimism? It’s all on you, buddy.

  • Libra 4-2-26

    Imagine a huge snow-covered mountain. You think “peaceful”. Meanwhile, the rest of the Zodiac might be clinging to the cliffs looking worried and thinking about frostbite, but Libras will be moving through the day making it look easy. Overcoming obstacles is just another day in the life for determined Scales, and you’ll just get a better perspective on your goals that way. Today’s energy will reveal that you may not be in control, the way you always assume you are. Whether or not a fork in the road or a boulder dropped on your path brings you frustration or determination will depend entirely on your attitude and your flexibility. As long as you remember that you control how you respond to the environment, you’ll make it, my friend.

  • Virgo 4-2-26

    Virgos could have a big surprise coming their way! These surprises will be g-r-e-a-t, like Frosted Flakes. Or perhaps they’ll be total poop. Depends on whether or not you like sugar coated corn flakes. Well, actually, it all depends on you, V. Will you fly high on good vibes and use that noggin of yours to problem solve and get through life’s little surprises? Or will you fall apart at the seams and crabby crawl on the ground with your lowest vibes? The choice is yours. I know you’re going to nail this day… no matter what comes.

  • Leo 4-2-26

    Smarty pants or sassy pants? Do any of them have ghosts on them? That would be cool! Either pants you choose, the vibes could make your know-everything attitude falter. So, maybe choose the pants your butt looks the best in and skip the others, Leo. Figuring out that you don’t have all the answers doesn’t have to be the end of the world as you know it. You may find that the freedom to sometimes be wrong and learn something new gives you greater power in the decisions that you make. Plus, it saves room for surprises. Step into the good old driver’s seat of change knowing that your tail looks great and you get to choose the road you take.

  • Cancer 4-2-26

    Well, Crabby, get prepared for a wake-up call. The vibes today will be all about facing challenges in what you believe. Will your faith be shaken? Will you crumble under pressure? Or will you come out on top like the badass Cancer that I know you are?! Life is full of surprises and challenges, but whether you crumble beneath the pressure or beat the Universe into a bloody pulp is something you’ll have to own all on your own. Don’t give up. Do give it your all.

  • Gemini 4-2-26

    Bystanders may be unsure if your slow blink today will be communicating Morse code or if that’s just your WTF-face. Geminis often have natural-born practicality, and it can actually be quite the surprise when you learn that there are things that actually fall outside of your control — like every-dang-body else. The good news? You can control your dang self. Once you realize just how much power lies in controlling your own thoughts and behaviors, you’ll be ready for any surprises that could pop up today. Own that stuff, the way Gems were meant to!

  • Taurus 4-2-26

    Forecast calls for a lot of WTAF mixed with regular showers of oh heck no. Scuttling in and out your bedroom may seem like a reasonable strategy when dealing with this energy. Challenges may have you feeling a little out of control. To weather the storm, come up with a strategy to empower yourself to make it the best it can be. Take a shower (you’ll smell better). Reach for a piece of fruit rather than an over-processed snack. Drink all the damn water everyone says we need to drink. The kind of day you’ll be having will depend entirely on what you do with it.

  • Aries 4-2-26

    Today might feel like juggling knives, swords, and hand grenades… on a unicycle… on a flipping high wire… blindfolded. Aries may feel like life is spinning out of control. Where did the last few years go? Are there still murder hornets? Well, you’d be right: everything is out of control. Your quick wit and ability to juggle your responsibilities will get you far, but you don’t actually control everything. Understanding what you can and can’t control won’t make you feel helpless; it’ll actually make you feel freaking powerful. Take charge of what’s in your power to change, and let the rest of that mess go.

  • Pisces 4-1-26

    Ever feel so moody that you want to rip your own face off? Yeah, that’s the vibe that will surround Pisces today. Well, Fishy, it could be that it’s just harder than usual to find a way to express yourself. Instead of imploding — which may seem like a great option — channel your frustrations through some form of artistic communication, whether that’s storytelling, painting, making music, or some other creative activity that you adore. Get off your butt, shake off the gross vibes, and do something with yourself, Pisces. You rock!

  • Aquarius 4-1-26

    Today will be brought to you by the letters F and U. The energy today could have Aquarius feeling moody and broody — just don’t be rude-y. The Universe won’t be trying to do you sideways, but it may feel that way. Use any lingering frustration and turmoil to your advantage by learning from it. Disappointment could point toward unrealistic expectations. Bitterness could reveal old wounds that need healing. Channeling today’s energy for healing will help you move toward your goals without the need for deploying any of those handy f-bombs. The more you know, the more you’ll grow.